THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
