No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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