He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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