Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
