don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
