You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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