I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
