It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
