put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
