I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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