Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
