I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
