My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
