I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
