he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
