i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
