So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
