i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
