i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
