Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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