So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
