I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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