It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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