But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
