I think i peed on brittanys purse
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
