you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I need to stop coming to work sober
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
