...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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