Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
