I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
