ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
