I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
