Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
