dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
