I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
