Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
