Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
