I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
