capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
that is very illegal...i love you.
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