she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
