I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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