roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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