Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
