got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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