i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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