I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
