If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
