Best friends brother. Beat that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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