Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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