Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
