I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
