I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
