Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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