I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
