i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
