Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
