Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
